


A Merry Little Christmas Crime

by MsSchneeheide



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: AU, Christmas, crimes and silliness, just too many characters to mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsSchneeheide/pseuds/MsSchneeheide
Summary: A Christmas story in five staves and a finale. With an ensemble cast featuring Saint Nick, elves, reindeer, and a mystery to be solved before December the 25th.





	1. Stave One

Once upon a time, up North, among vast forests of pines, firs and birches and glistening snowy expanses, where the sun didn't set in the summer and winters were long and cold but warmed up by laughter around cheerful fires in the hearths and hot drinks with beloved ones at the end of industrious days at work, there was a busy little village which used to become even busier as the holiday season got closer.

Litsifjöld was its name.

But though it would have deserved to resound wide and large, no fame and legends circulated over it. And even if its post office received and sent mail regularly and efficiently and notwithstanding the most effective transport system that was in place there, it would have been impossible to reach it for the people whose letters it got, and to whom the means of transport brought some of its inhabitants to.

For it lay protected by ancient magic, which had served its purpose for generations and generations and made it invisible to common eyes, untouchable for uninitiated flesh, as if existing in a parallel dimension.

Thus, connected to the world but somehow out of it, season after season, year after year, age after age life went on in the village of Saint Nick.

* * *

It was right after Thanksgiving.

That Thursday was traditionally a day off for them, when they could relax and recharge for the weeks to come. The air was full of excitement and expectation in the houses of the elves.

Mr C, as they liked to call the current Santa Claus or Saint Nick or Father Christmas, taking after the nickname his secretary Taystee had given him, was a good boss and would donate a turkey or some other delicacies to every family or group, as an advanced performance bonus. He needed them all cheerful and active for their high season, and of course he also wanted them to be happy in and of itself.

**********

Frieda stood outside leaning against the threshold, breathing in the cold night air and looking at her surroundings.

It might seem like a quiet landscape, but she knew better.

Small bright lights were shining from the balsam firs, white pines, Norway spruce and cedar trees and other conifers that hosted their various homes; behind those windows, it must be a swarm of little elves enjoying their nights.

*

Dinner at the Vauseman dwelling had been eventful. Alex had invited a friend to eat with them, and she had really given a new perspective to the whole affair.

"...so how do we know they don't eat reindeer?" she ended her tirade with an interrogative sign.

The other two exchanged a glance.

"Lolly," Piper began cautiously. "I don't believe Thanksgiving Land is a rea-"

"You know Pipes," Alex chimed in, "it's an interesting theory, very interesting."

"Right. Maybe they don't know about us either!" Lolly nodded. "And Chang says she'll see if she can find some proof when she's out there."

She really admired the older Asiatic elf who worked in 3S, Santa Secret Service. It was not clear what they did exactly, but she and her colleagues were frequently 'out there', as they referred to the world outside of Litsifjöld, certainly busy with some very important, and very secret missions.

"Great," Piper said, and turned to take the pot of hot cinnamon tea from the stove. She had to bite her lip not to reply; she didn't want to upset Lolly, but it was hard to accept her wacky theories with no questions sometimes. I mean, how could one compare their reality to a myth such as that of Thanksgiving Land? It was so unscientific.

Alex and Lolly were looking at drawings of a new prototype of sleigh and sipping on their tea, when Lolly jumped up.

"Oh! What time is it?"

Alex checked their cuckoo clock. "Not even nine."

"I'm late!" she stood up and went to fetch her coat.

Her hosts frowned.

"I have to go build a snowman, I promised Rudolph and Comet I'd do it today and it'd be more handsome than last year's," she explained putting on her green felt hat with bells.

"Oh."

"OK."

She was already at the door, then did a 180, and marched back to them.

"Thanks for dinner Piper," she shook her hand energetically, and left her nodding and shaken from the shake.

"Alex," she hugged her with clumsy affection, and Alex squeezed her back in kind.

Heading back to the entrance, she turned one last time to greet them, with a jingle of bells. "Good night friends!" she exclaimed and waved largely; they greeted her back, and out she went.

Standing by the window, they followed her with their eyes as she rushed down the path.  
"Will she be fine all on her own? Maybe we should have gone too," Piper worried.

Alex circled her with her arms from behind, and nuzzled the blond hair with her nose.

"She won't be alone I'm sure," she said. "I love it when you're all caring."

"Mmh." Piper leaned back. "You know what _I_ love?"

"No?" Alex chuckled.

"When we're both home early and have no plans for the evening," she smiled.

Alex lowered her voice. "Oh, who said we have no plans?" - and she started fiddling with the buttons on her vest.

Piper's smile widened, and she got to help her fiancée.

***

"Hey S-bear, can you pass me that mead?" P asked.

"I'm _not_ an S- _bear_ , I'm an S- _elf,_ " she said pointedly, stressing her words with eloquent gestures.

"Of course S," roared C, slapping her back. "It was a phrase, like a term of endearment y'know."

"Oh. Ooh!" the tips of her pointy ears tinged with red all of a sudden, and she shook her head. "I didn't know."

P had got up to pour the mead in her mug herself. "...'s ok Suzanne," she smiled brightly and elbowed her, making the blush spread from ears to cheeks.

Just then a knock was heard from their entrance door downstairs. Alison, who was already up to poke the fire, went to the window to check.

"It's Lolly," she told them, and looked from S to T.

Suzanne perked up. "She said she was going to make a snowman." She turned to T and joined her hands in prayer. "Oh, may I _please_ go?"

T's mouth turned up at a corner and a dimple appeared on her cheek, but she leaned back on her chair and hummed, as if in serious contemplation of the request.

"Pleease please _please_ , I'll be good."

"Mh. Weell, I s'pose if you promise..."

"Yes! I promise! I promise," Suzanne assured eagerly.

"A'right then, if you stay clear of Frieda's garden," Taystee admonished.

"We will! Lolly wanted to do it near the reindeer pen again, so it wouldn't be alone when it's dark."

"That's a good idea," Tamika intervened.

T nodded at her imperceptibly, turned to S and conceded: "OK Suzanne, you may go."

"Yes! Thanks," she darted up and rushed to the stairs, then back to get her warmer coat from her room, then headed down again.

"Yo S, cover up!" Janae threw her a red scarf. "And don't be late, tomorrow's a big day!"

"Yes, yes! Thank you! See you later elficbody!" and she stomped down the stairs to go meet her friend.

***

They had just finished eating, and were now enjoying generous mugs of mulled wine.

The kids were at the Village Hall with Berdie, tidying it up for the following day's meeting.

A handful of elves were sitting at the large wooden table, playing cards.

One was at a smaller desk in a corner, poring over a scroll of parchment.

Some more relaxed by the fire, as the latest addition to their extended family, who was relaxing on a couch and showing a colorful album to a short-haired elf who was smiling and showing her bad teeth.

She had been transferred a couple of months before, earning her promotion from the tiny Teddy Bear Day department in the US thanks to her good job, and possibly some manoeuvres from her mother and her connections. Now she was working in the stuffed animals division, and was full of ideas for new designs.

"Yo, lemme see," Aleida flopped down between her and Zirconia, almost spilling the liquid in her mug.

Daya huffed, but complied.

"That cute! Your supervisor gotta give you the approval for sure," she put her arm around her shoulder. "And if not, you tell me mh."

"Yeah ma'," she half smiled.

Gloria served some more wine to herself and the others at the table. "Hey, move your _culo_! It's your turn," she called to her game partner. They were still ahead, but their adversaries were not far behind and she had no intention to lose that stash of pigeon peas, Catimor café beans and _túrron de ajonjolí_ – sesame bars.

Two of the younger elves were facing each other on the window seat, their thick chatter interrupted now and then by giggles on reddened cheeks. The smallest one lowered her gaze and smoothed the short deep green velvet skirt around her knees; her tall companion smiled and lightly pushed her shoulder. They started giggling again.

The card players eyed them critically; Blanca muttered something, and Maria just shook her head.

Some more time of relaxation went on in the large warm sitting room.

Then Maritza startled and her index got up to the glass excitedly, she and her friend exchanged a few words and a naughty smirk and darted up. In a flash they went to retrieve their capes, pointy hats and woolen mittens and were ready to go.

"We are going out for a bit," Flaca said quickly, looking at elficbody at the table. "Won't be late."

"Yeah," the small one echoed.

Gloria frowned. "Mh. You better not be," she warned. "Don't catch a cold."

"Nope."

"Won't do."

"Good," Gloria nodded.

"C'mon Flac," Maritza tugged at her sleeve.

"Yes," she hissed. "Bye!"

They rushed to put on their boots and out.

"Mh." Blanca had gone over to see how her friend Karla was doing with her notes for the following day's meeting, and she stopped by the window. Ah, now it was all clear, she thought; if she squinted she could just make out the two figures about to turn right, and the other two following them from a distance.

"They're after Suzy & Lolly," she announced.

"No way!" Gloria joined her; by now she could only see her two elves, but they were walking in a cautious enough way to make it evident there was something weird going on. "Fudge, I knew they were up to something."

"C'mere mami, let it go," Aleida said.

"These silly kids and their pranks," she grumbled. "I swear if mine had been like that..."

* * *

Yes, Frieda mused.

If the other houses were anything like this one, and she knew for a fact they could be much worse, then it would be difficult to actually enjoy some peaceful time this night.

*

After some tinkering and vivaciously worded complaints against the inanimate object, Gina had managed to get the old gramophone to work again. They could have had some more up-to-date devices at their disposal, but Red insisted the sound that came from it was unique and inimitable. Besides, there seemed to be some metaphysical contrast between modernity and magic which made it impossible to use the newest technological gadgets from the telephone onwards within the limits of Litsifjöld.

The meatloaf had been delicious; now the voices from her frenemy the Baba Yaga Choir were filling the air, Norma was bobbing her head along with the music, and they were all waiting for the chestnuts which were roasting on the open fire.

Lorna and Vince had just left for their house, and Nicky had gone to see that new elf from Luxor.

"Did you get what department she was in?" Red asked.

"Not yet," answered Taslitz, "but I'm on it."

"Good," she nodded curtly.

Norma took her notepad, wrote down something and tapped her arm, showing it to her. _A new Linda?_ , it said.

For a second Red's eyes moved to Boo, who was trying to teach 'Chimneys and Ladders' to Pennsatucky. She shook her head: "I don't think so," she mouthed to her friend; "Let's hope not."

The original Linda had wreaked enough havoc last year, that greedy counterfeiting elf. Their family was calm and happy again, and didn't need anything like that now.

"They're ready!" Anita said from her strategic spot near the fire.

"Go call Frieda, will you dear," Red told Gina.

*

A few minutes before some of the younger folks had gone. She had escaped for a quiet and calm break, but it might be safe to get back in now.

However, just after inhaling the frosty air one last time, Frieda noticed that the scene was not that still. The moonbeams on the snow let her see it all.

First two figures bouncing along the winding path between the tree houses: they turned right and ventured into the forest, possibly towards her garden, or the reindeer.

Then two more shadows followed, a short and a longer one, keeping on the side and half hidden by bushes and trees. From their movements it appeared that the tall one was urging the other to hurry, but her companion pointed to her high heels; the overgrown elf made a huffy move, then quickly picked her up and on they went in a piggyback ride.

Frieda shook her head. The door opened, and Gina called her in for the chestnuts.

But they both paused for a moment, for it wasn't the end.

A third couple was approaching the forest path from the other direction; Frieda took Gina's special goggles from her breast pocket, and though they were at a little distance she could see them well. One pulled the other's beanie all the way down on her face, and started running awkwardly on; when the other one managed to free herself she looked around with open mouth showing her bad teeth, then evidently heard or saw something, and got to chasing her friend.

"It's a bunch of loonies and airheads out here tonight," she told Gina, giving back the goggles and looking at the full moon above. "Let's get in before it catches."

What she didn't see and what no one saw from the safety of their houses, were some other characters that came out of the forest just a minute later, clad in dark cloaks and with hoods on their heads, keeping hidden much more effectively than their predecessors, and gliding furtively but with purpose on snow and ice.


	2. Stave Two

The Friday started off as usual around the village; or so it seemed, in every house but one.

Litsifjöld's Post Office received letters all year round, of course, but things would become particularly hectic a few days after Thanksgiving when, after digesting their turkeys and potatoes and pumpkin pies and with not a little help from shops and marketers and other defenders of capitalism, children and adults suddenly remembered that Christmas was not that far away and panicked.

Scott O'Neill huffed and puffed as he entered that morning, carrying a large tin box of gingerbread cookies his wife Wanda had baked the day before.

"Hey man! Thank you."

His younger colleagues were already there, Bennett was reviving the fire in the woodstove and Artesian had a big bag of mail on her back, which she emptied on their desks.

"No problem," he smiled as he handed a cookie to each of them. "Nice and early today mh?"

"Aye," said the female elf. "We wanted to take care of these 'urgent' letters before the meeting."

They all eyed the pile critically, munching on their sweet treat.

A good portion of their mail was sent though by the _fakeys_ , as they were known in Litsifjöld: the employees of Santa's Town, an amusement park not too far from them and renowned globally as the official residence of Santa Claus. Pwah.

The in-mates, as the inhabitants of Litsifjöld called themselves, since they were all more or less good pals, and lived _in_ as opposed to out in the Wide World, didn't think much of them.

Of course the fakeys didn't know about their existence; apart from two of the very chiefs in the administrative board, and a few of their own kind who worked undercover in various departments.

"I know Fran is doing her best," Bennett tried.

"Yeah," they nodded; they all knew it. She managed their moles in the Postal Division and was the sister of their resident scam mail expert Lorna, come directly from the Santa Lucia's Department in Italy a few years before; Fran was quite good herself, it was some of her junior colleagues who had plenty to learn yet.

They sat down on their stools and started rifling through the papers, looking for real urgent cases.

Almost daily Miss Rosa went back and forth with her cabrio sled with letters left by kids (and some not quite kids anymore) at Santa's Town, as well as the occasional report from their fellow elves there.

And this was just a part of their work.

There were the epistles that British children threw in their chimneys, which magically appeared instantly in their own and stayed there waiting to be retrieved, messages on random pieces of paper that would never be sent and requests (frequently the most important ones) that were never written but only uttered, sometimes by soft timid voices in all sorts of languages – those were listened to and registered by Fischer and Cathy and other specifically trained elves in an office next to the Post, and then brought there.

Their job was to sort though this bunch and subdivide it according to several criteria.

Then a special committee would consider all the requests, accept or deny, redirect, prioritize and send them to the appropriate executive division: Material or Immaterial requests – and their many branches.

"Hey, it's almost four o'clock!" they all hurried to tidy up and got ready to leave. It was an important meeting, and they couldn't miss it.

* * *

After the lines she had read that morning in her special Santa-secretary diary, which she and Tamika used to communicate with their boss, Taystee had been a bit worried.

She had left earlier than necessary for the meeting, and stopped by Mr C's house.

He had not come out, but with a hoarse voice had told her through the door "Don't worry! This cold will get better soon;" and to please greet and thank all the elves for him.

"A'right Mr C," she had reluctantly agreed. "But write if you need something while Fi... Mrs C is away, OK?"

"Yes, yes. Thank you Taystee," he had promised her.

* * *

_Village Hall, 4 o'clock on the dot_

The day after Thanksgiving the elves of Litsifjöld always worked shorter hours, then met for tea – coffee, hot soft cider, or chocolate – and an encouraging speech from their boss Saint Nick, as well as a union meeting.

Order of the day:

1\. Christmas season schedule and timetable

2\. post-December vacation

3\. any other business.

When all elfkind had sat down with their drink of choice and the usual chatter had mostly died out, the two union officials spoke up.

Janae looked down at the red and green crowd. "Good afternoon elficbody!" she started.

Her friends yelled for support, till she glared at them menacingly.

She started the introductory part, and got to tell how they had fought for them with the authorities – Karla gave a little cough – or, yeah, _negotiated_ , about hours and break times and all.

Once the political part was over, her colleague took the floor to explain about the special shifts for the month, and the instructions for the 24th and 25th, when they would be on call just for last-minute emergencies. "Please refer to your supervisor for further details," she said as she unrolled another part of her long scroll.

Pennsatucky was walking by, refilling cups for the audience.

Flaca took her cider and thanked her.

"Yo, when are they gonna talk about holidays?" Maritza asked her. Most of them would get time off in January or February.

"Dunno." From somewhere to the right, Suzanne had turned and was staring at them fixedly; she made an I'm-watching-you gesture, then turned back.

Tall and shorty looked at each other, and cracked up. Last night, when they were thinking about tampering with the snowman, they had been spotted by Suzy & Lolly who had got back to put a beanie on its head, and then Angie and Leanne, those meadheads, had also appeared from behind the reindeer fence and it'd all ended in a huge snowball fight.

"Shh!" came from behind them. It was Gloria. Oh, she knew this was a bad place to sit.

Flaca slid down the chair to get to her friend's height. "So what d'you wanna do?" she whispered.

"I was thinking Curaçao."

"Oh!" this was new. "How come?"

"I saw some pictures. The beaches, and the blue liquor, we got nothing like that here! And it's so my color! And there's some really cute art galleries for you," she listed. "And there's a motorsports museum. What d'you say?"

"I love it!" she said. "You gotta show me the pics though."

"'Course, later," she smiled. That was settled.

"Hey, try this," Flaca handed her friend the cider; she took a sip, her eyes widened, and they cracked up again.

"Will you shut up? Karla's talking," Blanca scolded them.

"Sorry!" Maritza said; and as an aside to her friend, "She's just grumpy 'cause she' missing her boyf... Ouch!" Aleida had smacked her head from the row behind. She pouted.

But oh, finally. They had got to the topic they were all waiting for.

Apparently the vacation would be organized same as the previous year, which was good enough.

"You gonna visit your sister in Luxor?" Nicky asked the elf who was sitting next to her.

"Maybe. But she stays at the Caesars Palace, not Luxor," she quipped.

"Aah," Nicky smirked.

"Have you ever seen it?" she asked with her strong accent.

"Can't say I have."

"It's worth a visit," Shani said.

"Good to know," the redhead grinned sideways, and received an enigmatic smile in response.

***

The meeting dragged on some more.

It was really just an excuse for the elves to meet up, as year by year what was said was essentially always the same.

And following tradition, when it was clear there was nothing more to discuss really and they were running out of drinks, Santa used to appear and make his motivational and feel-good speech.

So far that day they had followed the tried out script, but now they had exhausted every subject, drunk up all the tea, coffee, cider and chocolate, and the last rows had started getting restless.

"Where is he?" Piper whispered to Alex, looking left and right, as some others had started doing.

"No idea creampuff," Alex said.

"What, creampuff?" Piper was genuinely perplexed. "You think I might have put on some weight?" She glanced down at her non-existent stomach.

"No, it's 'cause you are sweet as a creampuff."

"Aww, that's not true. I'm not sweet," the blonde flirted.

"Oh you are, believe me," Alex went on. "I know because last night-"

"Shh!" Piper swatted her arm aside and looked around to check if anyone had heard.

Alex smirked.

Just then Taystee, who had got up and exchanged a couple of words with Karla and Janae, approached the podium lectern.

She cleared her throat, and the murmuring started dying out.

"Good evening all," she commenced.

"Hey Taystee" someone shouted from the back.

"Yo girl!" Cindy echoed.

Her dimples appeared, but she raised a hand to ask for silence.

"So. I am here to speak on behalf of Mr... of our beloved boss, Saint Nick," she went again.

"Yoooh!"

"Hear this!"

"Go girl!" and many more exclamations came up from the crowd at this.

It was unprecedented, and an interesting change in their routine.

From her central seat in the first row, Suzanne looked up at her with wide admiring eyes, gaping; then after a four-second spell turned and made some curt movements with her hands, staring at the worst offenders with a serious expression on her face. "Shh! Shh!" she ordered.

In another few moments, silence was attained.

"A'right," T began for a third time. She nodded at Suzanne in recognition, at which her friend beamed and earnestly nodded back. "We all know Saint Nick would usually be on this podium by now. But unfortunately, he ain't feeling too peachy today-" and here several elves gasped or startled in alarm; T raised her hand again to calm them down. "It's just a cold, don't you worry my friends." Oh. They deflated.

"Anyways, Fi... Mrs Santa is away on business too, and he kindly asked me to say some things for him, so here I am," she explained.

"First of all, thank you for being here. This is an important meeting and elficone's participation is essential," her eyes passed over hats and heads; there were actually some conspicuous absences, she noticed. They'd check the list later. "Thank you to our union officials, who together with Mr-... our boss, always manage to come up with the best solutions for our organization and us all." Karla and Janae smiled proudly.

"Now, our most important season is starting;" they all nodded. "Think of all those kids who need us!" it was always a good talking point, didn't fail to make the in-mates feel engaged. "So continue with the good work. Lay of the eggnog for a few weeks, and give your best elficbody!" she concluded.

The speech had not been the most eloquent maybe, but it was heartfelt and the essentials were there. They all clapped and cheered, and T smiled at them satisfied.

***

She had stopped to Sister and Sophia by the entrance, who had got the names, and yes, as she suspected, Angie and Leanne disappeared early; Judy King had not been there at all; Luschek had arrived very late, same for Yoga; then the newest maintenance elf Von Barlow was AWOL, and old Irma – she'd heard she was feeling a bit under the weather though. Mh. Their supervisors would see to it.

Then Piper had wanted to talk about Mr C's health, and given all kinds of suggestions. She had tried to sneak in a chimney call from home with the boss and PRs at the fakeys, too, but no, T had stayed firm and said he needed his rest and they'd have to schedule it for the following week.

Later on, after stopping home, Taystee and Tamika had gone out to their boss's to see how he was faring.

With a liiittle insistence he'd let them in; he didn't look too good, actually, he didn't look at all almost, all bundled up in covers and shawl and beanie, all sniffles and basically voiceless. They had brought him some warm broth and syrup from the garden's herbs and mosses, left it all there in the kitchen ready for him, he'd thanked them a lot between a sneeze and a cough and had practically shooed them away.

"Fudge, he got a real bad temper when he sick," Tamika said on their way back home.

"Was like this two years ago too, likes to think he as strong as a dinosaur but the few times he gets sick he take it bad," Taystee shook her head.

"Well, at least Fig's back soon."

"Yeah. She'll get him up in a flash."

"Right, all she gotta do is flash," she let out.

Her and her friend's eyes almost popped out of their heads at this.

"Whoops." And at home they could hear their laughter even through the thick oak door.

* * *

What a great weekend.

Waking up with no stubborn cuckoo in your ears but just when it occurred naturally, rolling in the duvet and cuddling between wakefulness and sleep for another hour, with no rush and no worries in the world for two whole days.

The sectors that had to stay operative took it in turns.

The other elves enjoyed time with friends, being domestic, but most of all participating in the various weekend events that took place during that season especially, to boost morale for the following week. Elves loved excuses to boost morale.

That Saturday during the day in-mates could be seen all over the village and its surroundings, taking walks, paying visits, doing fun activities or just lazing around.

Later on, in the evening, many met at Penns’ Tavern for a drink or a game: some favored cards and dices, others domino, darts or their special board games.

Sundays were much of the same, just with earlier evenings for most of them.

On that particular Sunday, very late on, when elfkind had gone to bed, a tall lanky figure in Louboutins sighed inserting the key into the keyhole, _finally_ , she thought, and a light appeared in Mr C’s entryway.

He had not been heard of all day, curtly informing T & T –Ts for short– by message that he was much better thanks to the herbal potion they'd left for him yesterday, but very busy, they'd probably see each other at the office on Monday and to have a good day.

They'd chalked it off to Fig-less bad mood. Luckily she's be back any moment now.

But if they'd been their neighbors, some legitimate doubts would have entered their minds on whether he'd get back to work merry as usual; for a couple of minutes after the lantern had been lit up, a cry and a string of colorful expressions came from Santa's house, spewed by what was definitely Fig's voice. Uh-oh.

Only one logical explanation.

Poor Mr C.

Not even Saint Nick could escape the wrath of a woman who finds a messy house after such a short absence, the neighbors thought. They would have bet on it, if there had been an elf crazy enough to offer a different opinion.

And the bet would have been lost, for they were not quite right.


	3. Stave Three

It was the first week of December, and it started off well. Whether it continued the same way - well, you’ll see.

After O'Neill, Artesian and Bennett had dealt with the mail, messages written on alternative surfaces, and oral or thought requests, they sent them over to the Committee for evaluation.

The Committee met barely weekly at the least, and that was during the lowest seasons, and bi-, triweekly and up to every single day when the work was at its peak.

It was formed by Mr C aka the boss himself, then CO (Committee Officers) Ford, Lorna, Alison and Karla, and if they had been found the Saint-Nicks-to-be, who at the moment were two, Dario and young Michael.

Dario habitually went by Diablo, but for official purposes they were trying to make him use his actual name, as Piper and the others from PR and Marketing had suggested.

Now that he was away on a gap year who-knew-where to take a break from his training and they were one member short, Fig had basically become a full CO herself. She was already used to the work, as she would occasionally substitute for Mr C in case of his absence. Fi… Mrs C was not quite his wife, and elves usually called her just 'Fig', out of her earshot, that is. When talking to her, she was Miss Figueroa with her full surname, and in other more or less formal occasions they used her unofficial title of Mrs Claus. And some of the naughtiest elves had the gall to secretly refer to her as Mistress C.

On Monday morning she had passed by Mr C's office to get some documents.

T & T had got a message from the boss saying he was too busy atm, and to refer to Fig for everything; as soon as she stepped foot in, they could see that she was pissed.

"G'd morning Miss Fig..ueroa," Taystee greeted with caution; she just stormed through the room and headed to the office.

"Yeah, yeah," she waved off. "Do not disturb me for the next hour." _Slam_.

Ts looked at each other warily. He must have done something reaally bad this time.

They let the hour go by, plus some more time just to be on the safe side; then Tamika knocked lightly, and went in with a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

Fig was tearing her hair out, and the desk was full of papers and scrolls. She could see figures connected to new funding agreements Fig must have struck with her partners on the outside, Mr Fig and his friend Gavin, while away.

"So, was it a good business trip?" Tamika tried, casually.

Fig eyed her, taking the cup. "Yes, I suppose;" she motioned to the documents. T lingered, feigning interest in them; she could sense that the other woman wanted to say something.

"So," she started. "Did Mr C say anything special or... unusual these last few days?" she asked indifferently.

"Mh. I don't think so." Tamika thought about it for a second. "Well I'm sure you must be up to date by now. We didn't really see much of him since he got that cold on Thanksgiving and then he said he was just busy-"  
"A cold?" Fig went hawkish. "What cold?"

Oh. "Erm. Nothing of consequence really, he's fine now clearly, I'm sure he would have mentioned it if-"

Fig scoffed. They weren't teenagers, needing to be in constant contact on their every move, but she expected him to tell her this kind of stuff; instead, in his messages (they shared a diary like the boss-secretary one) he hadn't said anything. He probably thought she'd worry so much and, what, leave a crucial call with fundraisers or rush back madly for a few hours during meetings, just to check he was ok? Please. It had only happened, like, once.

"Then, since you're obviously so well informed, I surmise you would know all about where he is now," she continued.

Tamika gaped. "Now? Uhm."

Fig stared at her. Deep sigh. "Call your friend in," she ordered.

"Now the particulars stay between me and you two for now," Fig warned Ts. "We must be prepared to go on a few days on our own here," she explained.

"He left a _message_ ," uops; which had clearly offended her: she was probably expecting to be welcomed back quite differently, with a home-cooked carbonara, for instance, or at least a glass of decent mulled wine.

In the hastily composed note, written in such a bad scrawl it was barely recognizable, he said he had a lead on Diablo's whereabouts and would go and try to bring him back.

"The old fool," Fig rolled her eyes; he just couldn't stand the idea of family being separated for Christmas. The future Santa shared the same spirit and had promised he would be back in time, but they had not heard from him in weeks now, and Mr C had started to wonder. "We're only going to tell he's away on business, let's not raise some elves' hopes he might return accompanied at this stage."

"Got it, don't worry Miss Boss," Taystee assured her. "We going to do our best and hold down the fort no problem, you'll see."

"Yes," Tamika assented. "Uhm. By the way, you got the Committee meeting in twenty minutes."

"Talking about fools," Fig mumbled.

* * *

But the work week started off pretty smoothly around the village, all in all, the elves thought.

Having Fig in charge was not an unprecedented event, and she was actually good at it, keeping a tighter leash on the elves than Mr C himself would.

On Tuesday, though, Piper woke up to a mild PR crisis.

The previous evening a Santa in a mall in Utica, NY, had bad mouthed a kid who was sitting on his lap and telling him how he'd love a puppy for Christmas when the usually friendly man had suddenly exploded and told him to stop being such a spoiled brat and be grateful his dad had been good enough to sacrifice his night to bring him there.

It was nothing she and Hapakuka hadn't seen before, still it always required some extra work and exchanges with the PRs outside, Larry and Polly, to clear up.

Then, on Wednesday, Miss Rosa's sled's claw brake had broken just a minute after her departure; even with the expertise of Leanne from maintenance, who knew all about sleds, sleighs, carts and buggies, it seemed like it would take a lot to fix it.

They had back-up vehicles, of course, though none as fast and capacious; moreover, the runners of their second-best were all wobbly and had to be replaced. Luschek got quite the scolding as head of maintenance for his poor job on keeping them up to par, though he swore they'd been fine just a fortnight before; but him being him, elves didn't exactly believe that.

"We can have them ready for tomorrow night, or maybe Friday morning," Leanne explained.

"Wonderful," Fig commented sarcastically. "Well, do the best you can. This is going to slow up elficone's work."

And indeed, until Friday an outdated little sled had to be used, which even the dogs regarded with disdain at first, and could only carry a fraction of the bigger ones. So the Post Office, Committee and Workshop all forcibly took it veery easy those couple of days.

* * *

It was bright and cold as usual, but in-mates and animals alike were all used to it; besides, pleasant thoughts kept them warm.

On Sunday there would be a gingerbread cookies bake off. It was a classic, and the usual finalists were Red and Gloria; but every year other contestants tried their hand at it, hoping that finally the jury would give a different verdict.

"Did you try to be a judge again?" Lolly asked while petting Donner.

She was covering for Dwight, who couldn't work because that very morning, as she was opening the door of the tool shed, some heavy old-fashioned reins had fallen on her head and hit her straight in the nose, causing it to break. It was a mystery why those old things would be up hanging in that precarious position, just waiting to fall on someone it seemed; and elficbody denied having put them there.

Suzanne was filling the manger with sedges, lichens and willow leaves with the help of Frieda and Ryder who had brought the fodder from the garden a quarter mile away.

"Yeah," she stopped her task for a moment. "But Mr Elmer said it's just for children."

Mr Elmer was a teacher at their small school, together with Beardie, and what he had said was, precisely, " _For the twelfth time in as many years, Suzanne, I'm sorry but no. You know the rules, only kids are allowed to be part of the jury._ "

" _But my mom says that in every adult there lurks a child - or, no no no wait, that was Jung, but anyway my mom says he's right," she argued._

" _And as much as I respect and admire Pam's opinion, as well as Mr Jung's, I still have to say no. Actual children-aged children are needed for this competition,_ " Mr Elmer had concluded.

"Oh," Lolly shrugged. "Well we can still have the leftovers as usual." S nodded.

"When is your mom coming?"

Suzanne lit up. "On the Eve. Her and Grace and Brad - no, _she_ and Grace and Brad all got to take the same vacation days."

They worked at Florida's Tooth Fairy; it was hard to be apart, but Litsifjöld's temperatures were a bit too much for Pam to bear all year round. But on Christmas, all the elves' families who lived or worked away tried to gather at the village to celebrate together.

* * *

All was well again at the garage.

On Friday, Leanne and Angie and the others had finally finished fixing the big sled, and Miss Rosa dashed off to the fakeys to retrieve a large stash of mail and try to make up for lost time.

"That was a good job squad," Luschek high-fived the two and awkwardly bumped shoulders with Nicky; all four had ended up working on the vehicles, in order to get them back to work soon.

"Wait!" Angie exclaimed suddenly. "Isn't something missing?"

"What?" Leanne frowned. "The brake is like workshop-new now, solid and all."

"We double-checked all the rest, and made a long trial race on all terrains actually following protocol-" Luschek listed on his fingers.

"No, she's right," Nicky intervened. She looked around.

"We are four," Angie gaped.

"Sure are," Luschek nodded.

"...What about Von Barlow?" Nicky asked.

"Ooh, that!" Luschek waved it off. "I sent her to check the Northern Border."

"Uhm. When was this?"

A pause. "Yesterday?"

A stare. "You sure?"

"Or maybe two days ago? She wrote a note she was sick on Monday, then... or maybe Tuesday?" he scratched his head. "I left a message in her letterbox."

They all looked at each other. Well this was weird. She wasn't a friendly one, what with those unkempt hair, huge hats and scarves up to her nose and sunglasses she wore because of her skin condition, didn't talk much, plus she'd only been there a couple of weeks, and they'd worked together for barely one. Still, they felt a bit bad for not noticing anything before.

"So you haven't actually _seen_ her?" Nicky asked incredulous. "In, oh let me count... a week?"

"Hey, I was busy with this sled crisis!" Luschek defended. "It's not as if you noticed either." But from the frown on his forehead it was clear he was starting to get antsy, for as her supervisor it was his duty to make sure she was alright.

"Fudge," Leanne whispered.

"You think it was a bear?" Angie asked.

"We have no bears here," Nicky said. "Not the dangerous kind."

"But if the gate was not working-"

"OK, not a word more. Come with me y'all," Luscheck said.

They stopped at her house.

She lodged alone, a rarity in Litsifjöld, because her certified photosensitivity dermatitis demanded she stayed out of the sun as much as possible, which brought her to choose the long-empty basement apartment between the roots of a pine at the edge of the village. Knocking and knocking, there was not answer.

Luschek produced a screwdriver from his pocket, and forced the letterbox open. There, between a colorful card advertising Sunday's cookies competition and a coupon with a discount for Sophia and Danita's Sauna, lay his message.

"Poopy poop," he muttered.

"You can say it loud and clear, oh mighty supervisor," Nicky said.

"Shut up. You, and you," he gestured at Angie and Leanne. "Go to the Northern Gate anyway, see if she's there. And check it's tight while you're there."

"But it's five miles away!" Leanne protested.

"So? Do I look like a care? Go now, or I'll tell Fig you spiked Penns' cider at the meeting last Thursday."

"What? There was not spiked cider-" his eyebrow rose.

"Fudge, I knew we should have stayed!" Angie whined.

"...And take some tools!" he shouted after them.

Nicky looked at him with a challenging smirk.

"And you, come with me. We're taking a round of the village first, and go from there;" he began to move towards the main path.

She looked expectantly, arms crossed. He turned and huffed.

"What, you prefer me to tell Cleopatra how much you luuuve her?" he mocked.

Her eyes widened. "Pfft!" she shrugged, trying to regain a semblance of indifference.

He laughed uproariously, and continued walking.

"Alright," she gave up, starting to follow him. "Lowlife."

* * *

 _Thank you for the insightful input, but I can do my job no problem. You think about doing yours_ , Fig concluded, and closed the diary.

Fuu-dge. Not only had Joe gone gallivanting who-knew-where, leaving her to shoulder the whole business which these silly elves seemed bent on fu...dging up in every way, but he also had the nerve to advise her on what to do. While being extremely vague on where he was and when he'd be back. Hell no, thanks, she could make it on her own just fine.

Even though just a moment ago Ryder had passed by to let her know two of the reindeer had fallen sick, and with vet Dwight still not 100% well herself they still didn't know what the matter was exactly.

What a week from hell.

Jack "Scrooge" Pearson, instead, must be having a great time, she considered. That greedy old man's mission in life was ruining the Christmas Spirit, and this year it seemed like things were really going his way. Fig could just picture him rubbing his wrinkly hands together with glee in the gloomy mansion he must live in, somewhere in London, and having a laugh with the Grinch and his other lackeys at her distress. She had briefly considered the possibility of that traitor Linda having something to do with all the mishaps that were befalling the village, but it was hard to see how that could have happened; she had been away for several months now.

"What did you put in this coffee? It tastes like rotten musk," Fig barked at Tamika.

She entered walking on eggshells. "I don't know how this could happen, Miss Figueroa," she said, holding the tin they kept her special powder in. She had just noticed, and it had been too late.

Opening it in front of the boss, she moved some coffee powder aside – underneath a thin layer, the container was full of mold.

"Aaargh!" Fig yelled. She hated this job.

***

 _Those_ _scoundrel_ _s_ , Piper thought.

The news had come from Amsterdam.

Another Santa-clad man from a toy store had been found that morning in the shop window of a certain kind of establishment, lying on a bed between three female professionals scantily dressed as non-PG-13 elves, surrounded by a cloud of pot-flavored smoke.

It was nothing illegal, per se, but certainly not the image they were trying to associate their brand with.

She had just updated the stand-in boss on the damage control steps they had taken.

"Fine. It sounds like the best course of action," Fig said, and looked around: she had called for a meeting with some heads of departments and supervisors, to assess the situation so far and implement some of their protocols, since evidently something must be wrong with them. There were Piper from PR and Marketing, Judy King from Purchasing and Logistics, Gloria as representative of the Workshop workers, Red from the Canteen, Lorna for both the Committee and Post Office, Ryder and Frieda for Husbandry and Garden.

She sighed. "Does anyone know where Luschek is?"

They looked at each other, shaking their heads.

"Perfect," she pursed her lips. Nodding her head at Taystee to pour elficone some more tea, she opened her mouth to go on when...

"Mrs C!" Luschek burst into the room as if pushed from behind, looking scruffier than ever, bent forward and put his hands on his knees, out of breath. "Mrs... Miss... I..." he was still panting. Nicky was at the door.

"Mr Luschek, so nice to see you," she drawled. "Thank you for gracing us with your presence."

"Miss..."

"And please, pull up your pants," she could just glimpse at one of his cheeks from her angle, "no elf here is particularly interested in seeing what you're hiding under them." Judy King winked at him.

"Miss," he straightened up, covering up his buttock with his long johns. He took something out of his coat, and handed it to her.

"Now what's that?" Fig pulled back a little with distaste.

"I... we... she isn't here, but they found this. We think it happened on Monday maybe, or Sunday? It's hard to tell," he tried to give her the furry object.

"Mr Luschek, please. You're making no sense at all;" _give me the strength_ , she prayed internally. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

He dropped on a chair. "It's Von Barlow."

"Who's Von Barlow?"

"The new elf in maintenance, been here two weeks," he said.

"What about her?" Fig prodded impatiently.

"She disappeared."

...

"What do you mean she disappeared?"

Luschek sighed and recounted the tale, more or less; it wasn't easy to not make himself look bad from this story, but Nicky had bugged him to no end and practically dragged him there, and now she was watching him intently.

"...so like, half an hour ago, Angie and Leanne came back from the Northern Gate, which wasn't really sealed properly they said but they fixed it," he concluded, "and they found this on their way. It was snagged in a bush."

Silence.

Elficbody had listened to the story, and was now looking at the thing interrogatively.

"Oh, fudge," said Taystee finally, and snatched it from him. She turned it over and over in her hands, studying it with a frown, feeling it with her fingers, and brought it to her nose to smell it.

She inhaled, and inhaled... and her eyes grew larger, extra white on her dark face.

"Frieda..." she started slowly, passing it on to her. "Whatcha think?"

She took the thing and repeated T's inspection, but more quickly; then nodded at T, and addressed the others. "It's hair."

"Aaah!" Lorna cried.

"What?" Piper said.

"Mh," Red and Gloria frowned.

"Is there blood? Holy torroni what if-" Lorna went on.

Frieda and Taystee were still looking at each other. "It's not hair-hair. This comes from a wig."

...

 _Oooh! Aaah!_ came from the elves.

Fig was just gaping, uncomprehending.

T eyed Frieda again; the old elf's head moved as if to say: _You go_. Taystee sighed. "Von Barlow... she was an impostor."

Full astonishment was on elficone's faces.

"An impostor?"

"But... what... why..."

"And how could she-"

Frieda interrupted. "And not just _any_ impostor, I'd dare say," she continued.

The others shut up immediately and looked at her, waiting.

"I believe she-"

"Miss Fig! Figueroa, Miss Boss!" Tamika entered in a rush.

Fig was still sitting frozen at her desk.

All the elves turned to look at her expectantly.

All saw what she had in her hands.

All understood that something bad had happened.

It was a small succulent, _Echeveria elegans_ – Mr C's favorite. He kept it in his office, constantly moving it around in an eternal quest for the most favorable light conditions. It was the one thing he always, always brought with him when he left Litsifjöld, wherever he went. And it was in Tamika's hands right now.

"I just found it, it was in a strange spot behind the green couch in the outer office," she said shakily.

She looked between Fig and T and the others, lost.

Fig seemed horrified.

Frieda's eyes narrowed, and she sighed.

Taystee was staring at the tiny vase, then her gaze fell down to the wig, then up to the plant again.

And suddenly, that moment was when all the pieces came together.

She stood up, opened her mouth.

"Mr C has been kidnapped," she said. Frieda nodded knowingly, and nudged at her to go on. "By Linda."


	4. Stave Four

_The previous Thursday, Thanksgiving_

The Northern Gate was hardly ever used those days.

There was almost nothing northern than Litsifjöld, and they hadn't needed to go fetch rare plants and the finest snow and ice in some time, as the Garden and Pharmacy were well stocked, or parley with the bears and other creatures, with whom their diplomatic relationships had been running smoothly lately.

Days were short, and even with the special allowances their unique magic status granted, darkness still fell early at their latitude that time of the year.

After exchanging some final instructions, the small group split. One stayed behind, by the snowmobiles, and the others put on the skis they had brought and moved towards the uprooted birch that was leaning against one to its left, while seven centimeters from its roots on the frozen ground another beautiful tree stood tall.

Unconspicuous but ingenious. If one knew where to look and what to look for, it was easily recognizable; if not, it would have seemed just an half-fallen tree among many others. N for North; N for Nick.

The lead briefly wondered what the Southern Gate must look like from the outside; but it didn't matter, that would be too busy anyway. He stopped and gestured.

All took something out of a jar, and carefully rubbed it on their faces and necks and hands, grimacing: it smelled of tea with honey, or hot chocolate, of warm cozy fireplaces and crisp open air, tree bark and resin – it smelled of elf.

Perhaps it was overkill, because they already had the invite, but better safe than sorry.

He grasped the envelope and put it through the roots: not five seconds later, it sparkled of blue light; he smirked, and his face looked greener then.

They passed under the diagonal of the N and disappeared to the other side.

They were in.

* * *

_Back to Friday, end of the first week of December_

"Are you sure?" Nicky asked cautiously.

"Of course I'm sure! You think I can't recognize my own lasagna?" Lorna looked at the lump with angry eyes.

"Well with the state it's in…" Boo whispered.

"Shh! Don't be insensitive," Nicky said, and put an arm around Lorna's shoulders. "C'mere sweetheart, it's alright."

"Why would one do this? She must be such an evil, evil… elf!"

They had found nothing useful in the basement house, no personal objects, just what the place came furnished with.

"Not even a tiny Christmas tree or garland!" Lorna just couldn't fathom living in such a house.

But then, outside, Frieda had got a glimpse of something under a bush and Lorna had soon identified it as her welcome-to-the-neighborhood gift.

The old elf slowly got up from her kneeling position. "I'd say it's been here about ten days," she announced.

"That's it! I brought it to her before Thanksgiving."

Boo nodded with a sigh. No self-respecting elf would throw away a gift, especially an edible one, apart from maybe Fig but that was another story, she thought.

Yep, that must be her: her evil no-carb ex special elf friend, Linda.

* * *

_A little earlier_

Utter chaos.

That was a suitable description of the state Taystee's words had left the room in.

For a few moments a shocked silence had reigned, then it was an explosion of doubts and questions, hypotheses and objections, together with exclamations of dread and astonishment from elficbody.

_But why- It's horrible! How can you tell... Ooh poor Mr C! Wait, I don't get..._

Elficbody, that is, but one. Fig was paralyzed, staring at the _Echeveria_ , the wig shred, Taystee, Frieda, Tamika, the plant again, but apparently unable to utter a single word.

T was trying to explain, when she caught Tamika's eyes; she looked at Fig, and nodded.

..."A'RIGHT! SHUT UP Y'ALL!" her voice boomed, hand slammed hard on the desk.

At once they stopped, as if caught with the hand in the cookie jar.

She breathed deep through her nostrils. "And sit down, will ya;" she herself dropped onto the chair. In their excitement they had indeed almost all stood up, but now the force of Taystee's reaction seemed to have calmed them like children, and they obeyed, settling back down.

"Hm." Red crossed her arms aloof.

"OK."

And finally, with some semblance of peace and quiet again, T and Frieda could go back to explaining their reasonings.

Fig still had to say anything, but she seemed less out of it now, listening intently with some color back on her cheeks, possibly also thanks to the sweet scented infusion Tamika had gone to prepare for her and in which Gloria had cautiously slipped some soothing special lemon balm extract.

It took time to convince the elves that their suspects may be well-founded. In the end, it all came down to this:

1\. Von Barlow used a wig. _That_ some of the others had agreed upon, after having a look at the thing Luschek had brought: it was not real hair, and the color was easily identifiable as what Von Barlow had had on her head. Linda had a wig instead of real hair too.

2\. Her fashion style. If the hair had been fake, why couldn't the sunglasses and hat and scarf and high collared clothes have been just for show too?

3\. Von Barlow was a weird elf. She didn't socialize, hardly talked even with her colleagues; she had chosen to live in the most isolated dwelling available. Very convenient for a conspirator.

Now 2. and 3. didn't mean anything in themselves and could make sense given her supposed photosensitivity dermatitis, but the addition of 1. changed the game and painted a suspicious picture.

As for Mr C, the presence of the _Echeveria_ itself was enough to make elficbody agree that something was wrong.

Add to this:

I. his cold, which made him stay out of all elves' eyes for three days, apart from T & T who, though, admitted they had not as much seen _him_ as a person, a man almost entirely covered with shawls and blankets and beanies; and

II. his uncharacteristic disappearance just a few hours before Fig's return.

Highly suspect circumstances, especially when considered together.

Because of course, if one admitted that:

α. Von Barlow was Linda; and

β. Mr C had not gone away of his own free will; then it logically followed that

γ. the two were related, i.e. Linda was responsible for Mr C's disappearance.

* * *

They were all sworn to secrecy and discretion for now, as the last thing they wanted was for panic to spread around Litsifjöld.

It would be premature, too: conjectures, albeit logical ones, were not sound facts, and it was thus that they decided to look for further evidence before taking any other decisions.

And so the tasks were distributed.

The supervisors would check that nothing was amiss in their departments, because it was imperative that the work continued as regularly as possibly – hence Red went back to the kitchen, Gloria to the workshop, Piper stopped by Alex's office with an excuse and saw that all was fine, then headed to PR, Luschek and Ryder made sure that Angie and Leanne didn't run their mouths and then went to see the Garden and animals.

Taystee would stay at the office and hold the fort, with Judy King.

Meanwhile, Nicky rushed to the dogs' outdoor stall and got ahold of Boo, whom they'd decided needed to be aboard as Linda's ex-pert, that is. They left Miss Rosa with the husky, then with Frieda and Lorna walked to Von Barlow's house to look for evidence.

Tamika accompanied Fig to her home to ascertain if there was something odd.

***

"It is true then."

The two investigative teams had reconvened at the office.

"Looks like it."

"Yeah."

"Definitely."

At Mr and Mrs C's some more clues had been found.

Fig was not a great housewife but Mr C was and he knew her, so it was already weird that he would leave a batch of muffins for her in a pantry she never entered with no message inviting to eat so she could answer with insults in their diary (but then she would secretly scarf them all down and say an animal or kid must have stolen them).

The clothes which were missing from his wardrobe were also an uncommon choice, Fig said.

Then Tamika had heard her suffocate a gasp when she found a picture in a drawer, it looked like a Tyrannosaurus on one side and there was another smaller figure near it but she could not quite understand what it was, for Fig put it face down on the table, anyway she got that it was something else Mr C didn't use to part with.

The notes he had written on the diary sounded strange too now, Miss Boss had realized.

So it could be true.

Their suspicions, that nightmare, might be real. Linda had harbored resentment towards them and especially Mr C for months, and now she was enacting her revenge.

The elves that were at the meeting were discreetly informed, and a first battle plan for the following day established: the internal investigations would continue, they would start to get in touch with their connections on the outside, and with 3S obviously, and elficone would pay the utmost attention to their job and immediately report any accidents or unusual proceedings.

* * *

_At the Northern Gate, Saturday_

"But why are there no traces, footprints, or else?" Angie asked looking around.

"It snowed almost every night this week, dumbbottom!" Leanne retorted.

"Hm," Frieda hummed. She and Boo had gone there first thing on that Saturday morning, with the two meadheads who'd found the wig the previous day.

By the Gate, Angie and Leanne were explaining how the magic mechanism which identified friends and foes had seemed fuzzy, and how they'd fixed it.

Boo nodded. "So the intruders must have tampered with it somehow, and come this way." They had concluded this couldn't be all Linda's doing, for T & T swore the person at Mr C's house had been a man at least.

"They must have stopped here," Frieda reflected. She was a few meters to the left, in a small clearing among the dense forest; they joined her and looked at what she was showing: some bushes had broken twigs, man-height, and a tree bark sported a strange shaped indentation.

"I ain't done this, and no wood creature is this clumsy," she said, and proceeded to reconstruct the scene. "They were more than one, and came here to discuss their plans. One hit this bush here," she pointed, "another one here," and again. "They were on skis, and bumped against the tree, leaving this dent," and she motioned to the fir. Yes, they could see it in their minds.

"Impressive," Boo nodded.

"Wow!" said Angie and Leanne.

"Yeah, yeah," Frieda waved it off.

Before leaving, they had a look outside.

There were some more small clues of movement, and a quick chat with the birds told them there were rumours among the animals of unusual comings and goings from the Gate in the past days. They would need to come back and investigate this more thoroughly with Dwight.

***

_Santa's office_

Prudent steps were being taken to start external investigations, too.

Fig had been cooped up in the office for hours, and Ts and others could be found there at different times too, all intent on contacting their most trusted outside liaisons.

Two different lines of inquiry were being pursued, as it seemed the proper way to proceed: one on Linda's whereabouts, and the other on Mr C's; if the lines would intersect at some point, as they expected, then so be it.

"Fudge, bring me some more eggnog," Fig begged Tamika.

The chimney call with Mr Fig had been exhausting, but she knew he and Gavin would do their best to find out what Linda had been up to since she left Litsifjöld nine months before.

T handed her the mug.

"Who's next on the list?" the boss asked, taking a long sip.

Taystee looked at her notes. "It would be... Pearson at Santa's Town, Miss."

Oh joy. Danny Pearson, that quirky little man. He had disavowed his father's beliefs and ways and joined their side, quickly rising through the ranks and becoming their main official at Santa's Town. She half-respected him but he was odd, still she knew he and Joe shared a genuine friendship, born out of Pearson's admiration for Mr C and their naive faith in man- and elfkind.

"At least we have some rational, level-headed agents in 3S," she shook her head.

They had been called first thing at the crack of dawn, and she had hope Chang and her elves would find out something useful.

* * *

_Sunday_

On Sunday the task force on the double vanishing act was still covertly alert, but they had decided to keep up appearances and let the other elves enjoy their weekend as usual.

The ice skating race took place regularly. Suzanne shined, and Sister and Sophia awarded her the first prize: this year it was a visit for two at the chicken farm near Santa's Town. She smiled with all the front teeth she had, then Lolly high-fived her.

"Wooow!" she exclaimed. "Wo wo wo this is a _great_ learning opportunity," she stressed. "Thank you _so_ much."

Even if now she was faced with a difficult choice: who to go with, her friend in front of her or wait for her mom to come in a few weeks.

Immediately afterwards it was time for the much awaited gingerbread cookies competition, aka the duel for the gold metal between Red and Gloria and battle between all other contestants for the third place.

"Dear in-mates," Berdie announced with surprise and glee on her face. "The jury has reached a verdict."

The kids nodded, looking at each other knowingly; Monica winked at Cindy, who narrowed her eyes questioningly but got no spoiler in response.

"And the winner is…" Michael started, keeping the suspense for longer than usual, till Sophia's perfectly sculpted eyebrows rose at him. Red and Gloria stood on opposite sides of the line of competitors, and regarded each other; but absent were the pretend self-confidence, the air of superiority, the challenging smirks. Their gazes were just mildly interested, their hearts only partially in the moment. Both had other, far more serious things to worry about that year. "...G.B. cookies _à la_ Judy King, by Miss Poussey Washington!" he cried out loud.

Poussey's eyes almost barged out of their sockets like a goldfish, her jaw slackened and she looked left and right, first at the two former queens of the competition, again at the jury, pointed to herself incredulous and at their nod laughed brightly.

Red and Gloria frowned indignant. They knew they had not given 100% this time, far from it, but it didn't mean they took well to someone else besting them; both exchanged a look, then moved to the jury's spokeskid to demand an explanation.

Meanwhile Taystee had hugged P warmly, happy. Suzanne was on cloud nine for her good friend, and the crowd, after some moments to recover from the surprise of a lifetime, cheered for her too.

"Ya made me win ma gal!" Judy King, who had donated the winning recipe to P, told her partner-in-victory. "Ain't we the new kitchin power couple!" P smiled happily and the celebrity elf rose their hands together to greet and thank elficone.

Red and Gloria's protests came to nothing, as it seemed like the gingerbread to flour ratio in their recipes had not been optimal as in Poussey's, and they had to concede the victory.

Fig made a quick appearance to compliment the winners of the day, while elficbody was eating the spare cookies, and she caught the chance to say Mr C would be away a little longer as he was on a quest to find and bring back Diablo. The task force had agreed it was time to give a more specific explanation for his absence, and sticking to this version was easier - also, if any elf had written and talked about it to relatives or others on the outside, there was a chance Linda would be listening and so maybe she'd think they still believed that story.

She was leaving the stage when Ryder got nearer and reported in a whisper that two more reindeer had fallen sick. Darn Linda.

"She looks more annoyed than normal," Zirconia remarked about their stand-in boss.

"Maybe 'cause no one is appreciating her _figgy pudding_ these days," Aleida said crudely, and they burst into noisy laughter.

***

_Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location_

“All clear agents?” the small Asiatic woman in a tux asked from behind her desk.

“Yes ma’am,” said the shorter man. The tall one, who had a teardrop tattoo under his left eye, just nodded.

“Good. So what you losers waiting for? Agent Yadriel, Maria’s cousin no.2, go!” Chang ordered.

They put on their sunglasses, and left the premises.

* * *

_Second week of December_

The investigations continued onto the following work week.

Turned out Linda had been seen in London some time before -and elficone knew who resided in that city- but also further north, somewhere in Scandinavia, it seemed. So, yes, she must be behind all of this, and their arch-enemy Scrooge as well.

Fig had studied the diary more closely, and now it seemed so clear it couldn't have been Joe writing those last entries, what with the actually funny jokes and all. Unfortunately she had answered the last message in anger, and her impulsive words must have betrayed the fact that she knew it wasn't Mr C on the other side. There had been no new notes in days.

Anyways, Litsifjöld's routine continued too.

They had some victories: thanks to Norma and Gloria's joint healing efforts Dwight's super smell was restored, and it didn't take her long to find what the problem with the reindeer was. A whole stash of their fodder was spoiled, there were minuscule transparent worms in it that were not indigenous and had had a bad effect on the animals' circulation and caused a fever.

Now that they knew this, they disposed of the stash properly and started putting the sick Dasher, Prancer, Blitzen and Comet on a depurative-invigorating diet to get rid of residual unwanted substances and restore their health soon.

But with work, a fresh string of accidents came too. Linda seemed to have put her manicured hands everywhere to ruin their efforts in the short time she had been back in Litsifjöld as the elusive Amelia Von Barlow.

PR and Marketing were starting to despair.

More Santas had gone astray and been caught doing all sorts of mischief, when not downright crimes.

One, a supermarket security guard, had robbed several charity shops in Brighton, England, even leaving some badly spelled jokes on the walls that had angered the local LGBTQ+ community while he was at it.

Another day an overenthusiastic red-clad man had slapped his colleague in the electronic toys department on her arse, telling the young woman to "Oh oh oh, make Daddy Christmas happy baby!". She was dressed as an elf. This felt even more personal. Piper's head fell on her desk dramatically. _Thump_.

"Ouch!"

The Honolulu elf raised an eyebrow but just continued with her work. Hapakuka clearly suspected something was going on and she had a hint Piper knew what and was keeping it to herself, so she was acting real unsympathetic.

As if not being allowed to tell Alex wasn't hard enough already.

_Groowl_. _Grrr_.

Piper’s head shot up.

“Stephanie, are you OK?” she asked in sweet concern.

“Yes, I-” _Grrrowl_. Piper frowned. “It’s just the…” _Gurgle-gurgle_. She paled. “I’m just going out for a minute,” she said, stood up holding her stomach, and rushed out of the room.

“…oookey, sure,” the blond elf told to the now closed door. Mh. She must have exaggerated with the chili in her lunch and had a hot chocolate with whipped cream just afterwards, _again_ , Piper reasoned looking at the empty mug on her desk. Yes, that must be it: she really needed to find another outlet for her stress.

***

Down at the workshop the two young elves from Production: Dolls Subdivision were checking their work.

“What do you think?” asked Flaca.

“Aww, ain’t it cute!” Maritza gushed. “...But wait, you forgot to pluck her eyebrows.”

“Nooo girl, that’s the thing! It’s a Frida Kahlo doll!” she smiled proudly.

Her friend frowned uncomprehendingly.

“The painter, the one who...”

“Aaah yes, the one you showed me the pictures of! Me encantó!”

“I know!” They beamed.

“Little girls need other role models y’know, like, to see that there’s different kinds of beauty, and that brains and sensitivity have their charm too,” Flaca considered, looking at the colorful doll. “And boys, too.”

Maritza’s eyes were sparkling at her.

“Yeah, and-” but a scene interrupted them.

“Yo, wasn’t that Daya, number one?”

“She was!”

Two figures had just darted through the aisle, first one, then another a few seconds later.

“And Watson number two. Think she’s started training her?”

“Wouldn’t hurt her,” she answered, to both their merriment.

But Daya and Janae were not training, just as Hapakuka had not had any chili - not that day. Scott was following a pre-festive diet and Taslitz never ate much anyway; she was certainly no runner either.

It was stomach flu, caused by some milk they had ingested; it was spoiled, the kitchen crew found out: their calendar had been modified by an unknown hand, which had provoked this mishap. Red had her suspects on whose hand it might have been, and Boo later on confirmed it.

Now that the system could not be trusted anymore, they would have to check all their supplies one by one.

And between that day and the following one several more elves from various departments fell sick and were forced to stay in bed - or on a quite different piece of house equipment.

* * *

_Friday the 13th. A basement somewhere in London, South Bank_

Slumped on an old worn out armchair in a dark room, handcuffed, his feet bound together with a scratchy rope, the man breathed raggedly.

It was now day three of this other particular type of torture they were subjecting him too - or was it four? Keeping track of time was becoming hard.

"You know what to do to end this," his current watchdog, Hellman, taunted him.

"Never," he answered defiantly, though he was clearly suffering.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged, and went back to chewing his gum.

The first few days had been hard enough, but seeing as he wouldn't cooperate and snitch on the exact route of his December 25 journey, where the reindeer pitstops were located and other super Santa secrets which could've helped them ruin Christmas even better, the torture techniques had gotten more refined and cruel.

_Macho, macho man… I already am a macho man…_ What was more, Hellman also had the annoying habit of singing to himself.

"HEY, keep on watching!" he threatened.

Stratman jumped up from his comfy position on another armchair, and pinched his arm. "Yeah, we didn't say you could look away," he added.

Mr C sighed.

The videos on plant cruelty and rainforest fires had been bad, but this live show was almost unbearable.

Now Hellman was taking the leaves off that poor helleborus, one by one, making sickening accompanying noises. _Ouch. Nuuu! Uops._ He could feel the pain as if they were tearing off small pieces of his own body.

In a corner was a rose they had just mutilated of all thorns.

Next to it stood a Myrtillocactus geometrizans, drowning in too much water.

His heart was bleeding, but for his elves, for the kids, for Christmas itself, he knew - he had to stay strong.

* * *

_Friday the 13th. Litsifjöld's Town Hall_

"Next one," Gloria said sternly.

"Hm-hm," Norma echoed from her right with a vapid smile, and gestured for another elf to come forward.

They were all waiting in line to get their medicine; Red, Norma and Gloria had joined forces against the current threat and come up with a concoction that should prevent other elves from getting stomach flu.

Red was visiting the many incapacitated at home, to bring them the other smelly but hopefully healing potion the three women had brewed.

"It almost tastes like meatballs Vinnie, you'll see," Lorna told her hubbie, taking him by the arm. "We need the be 200% well now that our boss is in the clutches of that-"

"Shh Lorna!" he covered her mouth with his hand. "This is not the place."

"Wait wait wait," Nicky intervened; she was standing just behind them in Norma's line. "You told Vinnie?"

"Well – well, you know, yes! I couldn't have this secret between us," she defended. "And he's very discreet."

Nicky shook her head. "Chill kid, I trust Vinnie."

"Thanks Nicky," he nodded.

"Anyway I was saying that the medicine is not bad, and with poor Mr C all kidnapped who knows where we must..."

"Lorna!" Vinnie hissed.

"Kidnapped? What's 'kidnapped'?" asked Shani, who'd just got part of the conversation.

Nicky's head whipped back in alarm. "Shani-"

"Mh?" Aleida turned from the parallel Gloria line. "What you sayin' about kidnapping?"

"I don't know," Shani said, frowning. "They were talking about Mr C I think, but he is not a kid. I don't get it."

"Shani, listen-" Nicky started fast. "Aleida, y'know when a language is not your mothertongue..."

"Kidnapping? Who's been kidnapped?" Maritza squealed.

"Oh fudge," Nicky sighed.

***

Five minutes later, Fig entered the Town Hall with Taystee and Tamika to see how things were going.

They taught they'd seen chaos the week before, but that was nothing. The Hall was ablaze with voices, cries, exclamations, yells, confusion, anger, fear.

Gloria, Nicky and Judy King were trying to silence the overexcited, shocked elves. Words like _Mr C_ , _kidnapping_ , and _lasa_ _gna_ were bouncing from one side of the place to the other.

Fig gripped the doorjamb, and inhaled.

"I am going out," she said to her assistants.

Tamika forced her mouth shut, shook herself out of her stupor, and followed her.

***

Ten minutes later, when they got back, they saw Taystee was on the stage with Gloria and Judy King and they had managed to get the noise down to a slightly less deafening level.

"Yo, in-mates..." Taystee said loudly. She caught the movement from the entrance, and her eyes met Tamika's, who nodded. "Close your mouths now, our boss Mrs – Miss Figueroa is here."

Heads and hats turned with the usual jingling of little bells, as all stared at the door, finally quiet.

Fig strutted to the stage and took her position at the lectern. Her jaw squared, she looked left and right, meeting elficbody's eyes firmly. They kept silent, and waited.

After another few moments, Fig opened her mouth, and spoke.


	5. Stave Five

"You sure you want to go in alone?"

A nod in response.

"It can be dangerous."

A shrug.

"Bueno, OK. G'luck man," he said.

They awkwardly patted each other’s back, and Yadriel ventured in.

* * *

_London_

It was getting harder and harder to resist.

They were raising the bar even higher.

Now, to wear him down, they had installed a large TV set showing the news on the many Santa-related accidents that were happening all over, and also forcing him to partake in the plant torture himself.

"Please, is this really necessary?" he murmured tiredly.

"Till you say so, man," Hellman smirked.

Aah. He continued watering the Myrtillocactus, apologizing to the poor baby in a whisper.

"Whatcha sayin'?" the guard asked suspicious.

"Nothing, nothing," Mr C said, and shook his head imperceptibly.

***

_In a room nearby_

"He's still not cracked," Carlos "Grinch" Litvack was looking intently at the flames in the fireplace. "Boss'll not be happy."

The woman at the table raised her eyes. "I told you and your girl to leave him to me."

He turned. "Hm. When Linda comes back from the boss, we'll decide."

"As you wish, commander-in-chief," Vee said.

* * *

_Litsifjöld, the third week of December_

Piper had just got off the chimney with Polly. Hapakuka, back on the job, handed her a cup; since hearing about Mr C and everything she'd stopped holding a grudge on Piper and they'd returned to a productive work relation.

"What now?" she asked.

"A drunk-off-his-a.. drunk Santa in Sidney, and another one insulting religious minorities from Hyde Park's Speaker's Corner in London," she breathed in the hot tea vapor. "What about yesterday's racist Santa case?" she inquired.

"We're handling it," Stephanie sat down again.

"I wonder how Linda can have corrupted all of these 'usually very nice' men," Piper said, quoting a newspaper article Polly had just read to her.

"She's a cunning elf," her colleague considered.

"Yes. Well, we have to continue doing our very best; all together we can overcome these obstacles, I'm sure," she concluded with a forced display of conviction.

***

After Fig's intense, honest speech the previous week, all the in-mates had been moved to unite for the common cause more than ever. They understood that elficone's contribution had never been more essential than at that critical moment, and all tried to put on a strong face for their boss', the others', and Christmas' sake.

They had organized new work shifts to speed up production, and all elves with meaningful connections to the outside had been invited to use them to help the investigations.

Sister Ingalls' nun friends in particular were proving a goldmine of information.

Alex, Judy King and Aleida from Purchasing and Logistics all had people that could be useful too, and between Fahri, Bill, Cesar and Margarita they were managing to narrow down the area where Linda and her accomplices had been seen lately.

Of course Fig had not forgotten to go speak with the wood creatures at the Northern Gate and beyond, and Dwight and Leanne had accompanied her, as the best interpreters; the spokesanimals confirmed that a few strangers had been seen going into Litsifjöld's territory and then out at different moments, which could mean that some had kidnapped Mr C and brought him out first, while someone else stayed behind to impersonate him and possibly snoop around a bit longer.

"But why haven't you said anything?" Fig asked vehemently.

The chief bear crossed his paw. "They had one of those letters to put in the roots at the Gate. Of course we thought it was fine," he answered stern.

So Linda must have pilfered some special paper and ink and counterfeited an invite, they concluded; deception had always been her special expertise, it seemed.

* * *

_Santa's office_

"I didn't even know the gal!" Judy King protested; she would not just accept this accusing tone addressed at her, it was unfair. "Ya hired me precisely to replace Linda, remember?"

Taystee snorted. "A'right, a'right! And what about you?" she turned to the other elf.

Luschek started on his chair. "I was, erm... distract- focused on another, important issue in Maintenance at the time?" he tried.

T sighed.

She had to try and find out how they could have hired Linda again without realizing it, even if she was disguised as the eccentric Von Barlow.

"And it was you who sent her to us for the job interview, wasn't it?" he went on.

She sent him a dirty look.

Amelia Von Barlow had looked good on paper, the best of the candidates, with years of experience in a department as big as All Hallows', and just a skin condition that had caused no real problems there and why should it here.

All bullpoop, of course.

Linda had managed to contact Ginger from Litsifjöld's Maintenance when she was away at a weekend empowering retreat near Rovaniemi, and she had convinced her to leave her job and the village in exchange for a place in an exclusive Californian community of like-minded elves. It was the dream of Ginger's life, and she had accepted.

That's what had left Maintenance one elf short, and just shy of Christmas too.

Their head hunting had been quick, luckily.

But as 3S found out now, the glowing recommendation had been bribed out of Alvarez, Linda's acquaintance at All Hallows' Human & Other Creatures Resources.

Mr C and Fig had been at the fakeys with Tamika for the usual annual pre-Christmas briefing, precisely when Von Barlow had shown up at the Southern Gate with her summoning letter (one day early) – thinking about it now, it was evident she had left nothing to chance.

So the head of the interested division, aka Luschek, had to conduct the job interview, and Judy King who for some reason was in his office at that moment, voluntarily helped him. They had immediately approved of the elf bearing gifts, those biscuits which tasted a bit like pipe-weed were delicious; it was a merry interview, and they happily hired her.

"If Mr C ain't been so busy, he would've welcomed her immediately as he always does, and then discovered her real identity and all this wouldn't have happened," Taystee knew. "Well I guess we all handled this poorly. OK elves, ya can go," she said, and let them leave.

***

_Main path_

"Slow down now, slooow!" Leanne shouted, seeing where they were headed.

"Stop, stop!" cried Miss Rosa.

_Whooosh_... _CRACK_. They ended up in a pile of snow.

"Pwah... cough cough," Michael spluttered some snow from his mouth.

He had talked to Sophia and Crystal, and after a long discussion they had agreed and in the end Fig had approved too, granting him time off from Committee duty: he would train to substitute for the boss on the 25th, so if elficone's efforts to get Mr C back weren't enough, the world would still have its Christmas... fingers crossed.

"Well this was fun," Michael said.

"You improved from yesterday," Miss Rosa got up from the curve. "And tomorrow it will be better."

Leanne was not that convinced; "Hmm."

But he was the only Santa left in town, the only one with the special brand of magic the reindeer would always listen to; they had no choice, it _had_ to be better.

Fig stopped looking at them and moved on; she was rushing to the Committee Meeting, she was always rushing somewhere those days, and mulling over things.

Linda. That b... bad, bad elf.

She was an ex of Joe, but he had agreed to hire her because she was good at her Purchasing job in All Hallows', he said, also swearing she was a thing of the past.

So Linda had come in March of the previous year, and she had seemed a good asset to the team.

Joe had been puzzled but not unhappy at seeing her forge an unlikely relationship with Boo after some time; as for Fig, she didn't like the new elf one bit, but thought she was at least really over her hus... boyf... _Joe_.

All hell broke loose one day before Christmas, when they found exactly why she was so good at her job: lobbying practices, use of unsavoury characters as intermediaries, purchase of materials of questionable origin – that was how she got that bottom line. They had risked a scandal, but managed to remedy before it was too late.

Being all for restorative instead of punitive justice, Joe had tried to reintegrate her in the community and their values, and it all looked fine... until one day she just disappeared, never to be heard of again. Till now.

Now she wanted revenge for having her career 'ruined' – even though it had all been her own doing.

* * *

_London_

"Hey babe," Grinch Litvack tried to get his girlfriend closer and steal a kiss from her.

"Not now Carlos," she answered briskly, swatting his hand away.

Jack "Scrooge" Pearson entered after her.

"Oh, Mr Scrooge;" Litvack straightened up, while Vee nodded respectfully at the older man.

Linda asked for her boss' permission, and left the room. Grinch frowned uncomprehending.

"Let's sit down," Scrooge motioned towards the table and they all complied.

"So," he began, turning to the greenish-skinned man. "I was told your strategy is not really having the desired results, isn't that right?"

"Uhm, well, I wouldn't put it like that. It just takes some time to..."

"What time! We don't have time," Scrooge boomed. "It's just a few days to the 25th, and we need something more if we want this to be a really memorable Christmas."

"I think he's close to cracking, and then when we know we'll be able to disrupt all the system the elves put in place; even if they find a substitute for him, it will be no good without functioning pitstops and fast tracks," the Grinch said.

Scrooge eyed him.

"You've had your chance;" he turned to Vee. "It's your turn now."

"But _I_ went there myself for this, for _days_ , I was in danger among enemies-"

"I have decided," Scrooge said with finality.

Vee smiled sinisterly. "Thank you sir, I will get the information we need, you will see."

***

_In the room nearby_

"Leave us," Linda ordered; Stratman got up fast and went out.

Mr C looked at her.

"You!" she walked to him, heels clacking angrily. "You old sentimental man."

He went back to staring at the withered leaves of the rose.

"Just can't betray your friends, your high... ideals, can you? Not even to save yourself," she went on; he shrugged helplessly.

"Like you couldn't agree to my proposal one year ago when you found out. We could have been rich, successful..."

He gave her a sad half smile. "Linda-"

"No," she raised her hand. "Spare me the lecture. I tried to make them go soft with you, even after all that happened, but you are too stubborn."

She turned to go out. "Good luck Joe."

* * *

_Monday, 23rd December, at Santa's workshop_

Nicky was regarding the machinery, puzzled.

"Something is stuck in the clogs," she explained.

"You don't say," Blanca grumbled, and dropped down next to Maria. "We really needed a maintenance elf to tell us that."

Mh.

"OK, yeah, I won't take offence because... I won't. But be patient, my fine ladies, and my magic fingers will sort it all out in a jiff," she wiggled her eyebrows. They huffed.

Nicky went back to her tools.

"So?" Blanca asked her friend softly.

Maria checked around that no elf was listening. "So, you know that on this business he can't talk much-"

"...Yeah, and even if he could, it's not as if he would," Blanca said.

She looked at her fixedly.

"Okay, okay, c'mon!"

"Hm," Maria went on. "I spoke with Sergio though, and I think they are on to something."

"Really?" Blanca asked cautiously.

"Yes," Maria gave her a lopsided grin. "Keeping my fingers crossed for them." The other elf pensively nodded.

***

_Litsifjöld's Town Hall, later on that day_

LIPS, which stood for Litsifjöld's Interreligious and Philosophical Society, had extraordinarily met another time after just three days. Representatives of the various beliefs that lived in the Village usually gathered to discuss practical matters concerning their worship times, or symbols in public spaces, and more theoretical ones, comparing their thought systems on a variety of topics. Between Sister Ingalls, Gloria, Cindy, Alison, O'Neill, Gina, and Blanca, they usually had interesting and lively chats.

But today, again, they were there later after supper just to find strength in each other and pray or meditate together, for Mr C and for Christmas.

To some of them the 25th of December wasn't Christ's birth, or Christ's birth had different meanings; and just in that period there were other days to celebrate, like Yule, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. But to elficbody it was an important date.

That was why they worked, and lived, and were there in the end - for that day represented to them some things all elves firmly believed in, and wanted to contribute to: new beginnings, universal fraternity, and love.

* * *

_London_

It was dark and gloomy outside; they had finally found the area, the street, and the exact building, which looked bleak and deserted – but from all their intelligence, they knew it was not.

After hovering over it a bit more, the two man looked at each other and nodded: it was time.

They nosedived and disappeared inside, leaving a faint colorful trail in the air behind them.

Mr C was on the verge of tears. Hellman was delicately tickling the sole of his foot with stinging nettles, and he was torn between itching and laughter. That afternoon they had massaged his toes with the glochids of an Opuntia, a Mexican _Opuntia chaffeyi_ if he remembered correctly; but the beautiful, endangered plant was not at fault, he would never blame it.

"Again," Vee said.

"Yes ma'am," Hellman grinned.

She stood up and was about to go and report to the others in the next room, when a sudden hubbub made everyone jump.

_Crash_!

"Aaah!"

_Clang_ , _clip clop whack thump bang –_

"No, what... how..."

"Please, I-"

_BOOOOM!_

The voices of their fellow criminals could be heard clearly, loud, shocked, scared... Hellman and Vee exchanged a glance. Mr C stayed quiet, listening.

"You go see," she said.

"What? _You_ go see," he retorted.

_Whoosh_ , _bump_!

"Help please!" a cry.

Another flash in their eyes. "Let's barricade;" they hastened to move the table to the entrance, but... too late.

A whirlwind of rainbow dust swept through the door and flew all over, with a rustle and _wehee_ – a neigh. Hooves thrashed about the air in front of their faces.

A tall handsome mythical creature stood there, and a proud large figure was on it, with long wavy dark hair and a terrible smile – it was a Unicorn, and Diablo was Its rider.


	6. Finale

_Tick_.

 _Tick-tick_.

 _Ti-ti-tick_. _Tick_.

An eye opened.

 _Ti-tick_.

There was something tapping on the windowpane, was it the patter of rain? No, wait, it was... she squinted. It was a bird, a curious little robin scampering on its thin legs and looking in.

A smile.

 _Tick_. It flew away.

She followed it leaving – and then she startled.

Stretching her arm to the other side of the bed, turning to it... oh, right. She saw that silly Adam apron (she owned its companion, the Eve version, though it wasn't used much; not to cook), brought it to her with a smile and breathed it in.

A glance at their twin bell alarm clock revealed it was still early.

There was time, and some of her elves would surely be up and about taking care of things.

Fig closed her eyes again, and got back to sleep.

***

_That same day – Wednesday, the 25th of December: Christmas Day_

"A bit to the left."

"Like this?"

Lolly regarded it attentively from behind her thick glasses. "Yes! Perfect."

Suzanne grinned, gave a last adjusting touch and got down the ladder.

"Good," she clapped her hands; "now we have only twelve more, then Red and mom will have the hot chocolate prepared for us at the kitchen."

"Great!" Lolly nodded. "Let's hurry then."

They were putting on some extra decorations for that night's toast; Frieda and Gina had helped with the magical-botanical part, but for most of the in-mates it would be a surprise. Suzanne said it was Rudolph's nose that had given her the idea.

This year Christmas deserved something even more special than usual.

* * *

_The day before: 24th December_

Just a few hours.

Fig hadn't slept all night, too many thoughts and ideas and concerns filled her mind.

Christmas Day would start very soon in a very distant part of the world, and though they had all worked hard to be ready and hours and miles took on a completely different meaning by magic sleigh and reindeer, Michael was still far from being an experienced Santa. Miss Rosa would go with him at least; one just had to hope it wouldn't be too much for them.

And then there was the other thing.

Chang had said they were closing in on them, but refused to share any details; what if something went wrong? What if something really, truly horrible had already happened? What then?

Fig stopped by the window, looking out; it was the darkest hour before dawn.

She had also wondered if maybe, _maybe_ 3S, possibly also Mr Fig and some others out there had lied to her. What if the worst had occurred and they had decided not to tell her, not until the 25th was over, so she would continue working for that crucial date?

It had been so long now, it felt like they might really need a miracle.

Pity she wasn't Joe, and she didn't believe in them.

A couple of elves were hurrying on the path from the workshop, heading home, she saw; production had worked so extraordinarily hard to finish on time, they were probably just done. Hmm. That was good, at least; if only it could be enough.

She turned to get back to the desk, whether she could accomplish anything was dubious, but she couldn't just stay still – when suddenly, a loud _whooosh_ came from outside; she could almost feel the air on herself, and it made her shudder.

The strong gust of wind had put out the lanterns of the workshop elves; the path was pitch black.

...and unexpectedly, just a few seconds later, it was lit up with the most breathtaking, marvelous, colorful light: a light that obliterated all the confusion in her brain and the worry in her heart.

It last but a moment, and left a bright trail behind, which lingered for longer; and in it she saw the trees, the path, and faces: and the one face she had so longed to see.

Fig felt her knees weaken, and leaned against the window sill.

The miracle had happened.

***

His feet finally touched the frozen ground again. This had been the most unforgettable flight of his life, he knew immediately (and said by him, it was quite something). Nothing would ever compare to it, and it would probably stay in his mind forever, leaving a sense of longing that could never be sated.

But not five seconds after They had disappeared, voices resounded in exclamations, and his mind returned to Earth too: this was his home, and it was so good to be back.

* * *

_Christmas Day_

They were all gathered in the square between the reindeer pen and the husky's stall.

In seven minutes and eighteen seconds Santa's sleigh would land there, back from its long journey around the world.

This year Michael and Diablo had accompanied Mr C, as he was still a bit tired from his weeks away, and also because it seemed a shame to waste all that training Michael had got in in the last days.

Mr C's retirement was still very far, but giving the younger generations a clearer idea of what would expect them one day could surely do no harm.

The three Santas would be welcomed with hot beverages and affectionate cheers, and all the elves would exchange their simple gifts then too.

After this they could have some rest, while the kitchen staff would get back to work for their common lunch at the Hall and the others would laze or play around the village.

"Come on ma', can't you give me at least a small hint?" Nicky begged Red while they were waiting by the reindeer.

The Russian elf looked at her with an amused eyebrow-raising. "Why would I make an exception for you? You know I don't tell anyone the Christmas lunch menu beforehand," she said.

Nicky tried: "Because I'm your favorite elf daughter?"

The older woman frowned. "Oh really, are you?"

"Pfft, 'course I am…" Hm. "Aren't I? Wait, what Red, _aren't I_?" she asked hotly.

Red squeezed her shoulder, and laughed.

* * *

_The previous week_

The case had been a tough one, but he was confident they had cracked it.

Yadriel knew his friend Diablo well, he knew of his habits and loves, he knew of his dreams: and the dream of his life had long been this - finding the Land of the Unicorns.

Few elves and practically no men believed in the myth, but he was positive they existed, and now after a long, relentless research he must have found them.

"I am going in," Yadriel had told Sergio in front of the portal. No trace of leprechauns on this side of the rainbow, it had to be the right place; and he hoped he would be admitted too, like his friend must have been. They had greeted, and he had gone beyond.

…

There…

No words in his languages could adequately describe the Land. It was, it would just be… impressed in his mind.

And then they met: Diablo had found them indeed. His big, dark haired friend smiled with his kind warm eyes; Yadriel wanted to reply but couldn't, it was all so…

He could just begin to perceive the incredible, dazzling wisdom and goodness of these beings.

He saw them look into his eyes, read inside the secret pages of his soul, and though no one said nothing he felt they had understood who he was, and what he needed, and something there had evidently convinced them to get mixed up in this business out in the world.

 _Are you ready?_ his friend's eyes seemed to ask.

Yadriel steeled himself, and inhaled deeply. _I am. Let's go_ , he said with a nod.

So they had reached Scrooge's lair, which 3S had managed to localize.

Their irruption, just their very presence and the overpowering magic of a whole different brand had shocked Scrooge and his minions, and the effect it had would be lasting. At least until the Orthodox Christmas they could be safe: Litsifjöld and the world would have nothing to fear from them, the meanies had stopped being meanies.

* * *

_Christmas Eve_

"Mr C!"

"Diablo!"

The two elves' voices burst out of their mouths, as soon as their astonishment let them speak.

The three men looked at each other for another second, they smiled, and turned.

"Blanca, mi amor!" the Saint-Nick-to-be exclaimed. She run towards him and jumped, he caught her and they stayed locked in a tight embrace.

"Te extrané mucho! Nadie conseguía encontrarte," she said.

"I missed you too! But then, you see, they found me; and wait till I tell you what _I_ found."

"Yeah… I think I saw some of that. You gotta tell me _everything_."

The other elf approached her boss. "Yadriel," she nodded at him. "Hey Mr C! Is it really you?" she asked.

He laughed with good humor. "It is, Gloria, it is."

She smiled and they shook hands fondly. "It's so good to see you!"

"Likewise," and they kept shaking hands like fools for a long moment.

"Joe!" Fig rushed to them in her pointy heels.

"Fig!" he called; they hugged, and elficone let them be.

By this time more of the inhabitants of Litsifjöld had been woken up by the noises outside, be it the commotion of the Unicorns' touch-and-go, or the voices of the party; some had not be sleeping at all, having been preparing for the day, or unable to rest in the general preoccupied atmosphere.

"Maria," she had come out of the workshop with others now too.

She got nearer and stood in front of her boyfriend. "Yadriel," she said. "You did so good."

He smiled, and their eyes crinkled.

"Yo, it's really him!"

"What, is it true?"

"They're back! _He_ is back!"

Most of the village had reversed onto the main path, some in their nightgowns and half asleep, others fully dressed even though the sun was barely just rising.

Curiosity, then surprise and wonder filled the air.

It was all happy cries, questions and incessant chatter for a while, and elficbody wanted to personally greet and hug Mr C.

Eventually Ts and Red and her girls managed to direct the crowd to the Hall; the kitchen crew and Penn hurried to brew some hot cinnamon tea for all, and Mr C and the heroes of the day, Diablo and Yadriel, could tell their stories.

Once they had been reassured of his well-being, the newcomers were briefed on the Christmas Night plans; they wanted to contribute to the village activity right away, but were told everything was under control and to go and get some sleep.

They obeyed, Mr C left with Fig, Diablo with Blanca, and Yadriel with Maria, and the other in-mates went back to the day’s work with renewed vigor.

Early in the afternoon Santa’s round would begin, the sleigh and reindeer were already being prepared to head East.

* * *

_Christmas Day, sometime in the evening_

Pennsatucky rested leaning by her cart, Boo was finishing her story about a star or constellation or other, munching on dried persimmon.

She looked around: all elves with friends and family were clutching their drink of choice in their mittens, and waiting; the air was ripe with expectation. She smiled satisfied, and happy.

After lunch they had tidied up the Hall, then spent a fun afternoon with carols and games; a little play interpreted by the kids; an impromptu snow sculpture competition to make up for the one they'd skipped together with other activities last weekend, in the chaos of their situation then; and jokes and frolics and laughter.

It was now time for the main event.

"Dear, dearest elves - and other creatures," Mr C looked at elficbody and the reindeer and dogs affectionately. "Meeting in our square for a toast to Christmastide and everything it represents to us is a tradition in Litsifjöld. But this year it's come to mean so much more to me," he went on. Fig by his side was listening with her eggnog in her hands, as well as Taystee and Tamika nearby, who nodded, Aleida with her mulled wine and Daya with Eva, Cristina and Emiliano and their hot chocolates a few steps away from Gloria and her daughters and sons with Mama Lourdes of course, and several other drinks, Piper and Alex with Cal and Neri come for the occasion, Red next to her family, Lorna and Vinnie, Lillian Hayes with her two children, more or less, Alison and her husband and co-wife and kid, Scott and Wanda and her pregnant belly, Karla with her young sons, and elficone else, all with relatives and loved ones and the strangest range of glasses, cups, mugs, and goblets warming their fingers.

"This year I feel, more than ever, the Spirit of Christmas," Saint Nick started again. "It is a spirit that speaks of hope and love, of sticking together no matter what, and I have felt It these past weeks, I have felt you all by my side, and I know you have too because look at what you made possible yesterday and today! And in the end It triumphed, and here we are now." He paused.

All were together in that moment, brimming with joy for the day they had helped making a little more holy, a little merrier for so many people out there in the Wide World, close to each other in bodies and minds: It was a sight that always made him stand in awe.

"So, thank you elficone, _and_ others," he remembered, "for preserving the Spirit for me too, and for all. Now, let's toast and be merry!" he wrapped it up.

They toasted and sipped, and moments later, the show began.

Litsifjöld had no fireworks, but Mother Nature gifted them this, on this most special night.

The sky came alive with lights, green, blue, dancing and chasing each other, to their wonder and delight. Aurora Borealis was a playful, mesmerizing _prima ballerina_ , and they loved her dance.

.

.

.

"Hey," Lolly whispered after a few minutes. "D'you reckon it's time?"

Suzanne looked around.

All faces were serene, lit by those fantastical nuances, not a care in their eyes.

"Yes," she nodded. "Let's start."

They found Gina's gaze and gestured to her; she gave them a thumbs up and proceeded to activate the device she had invented.

One by one, their unique decorations revealed themselves: It was magical mistletoe, almost invisible normally, but that could glow on command. Suzanne had had the idea, Frieda had cracked the code, and Gina had managed to build this special triggering mechanism.

The elves looked around and over their heads; many smiled, some started giggling, and others blushed. A few didn't notice at all, as they were already busy locking lips.

Mr C and Fig exchanged a knowing glance, she made to turn slightly but he drew her to him in a passionate kiss. Tamika and her boyfriend followed their example, and Taystee and Poussey cheered for them.

Diablo and Yadriel found themselves happily engaged in a similar way by their bossy fiancées.

Flaca and Maritza were standing nearby and smirked looking at their friends. Then their attention was catched by the sudden light on the branches over their heads, and they realized that their gloved pinkies were touching.

Gloria, Karla and their families smiled.

"This is so beautiful, isn't it?" Piper asked Alex coyly.

"Yes Pipes," she answered. "Now quit pretending to admire the light show and come here."

Next to them, Nicky elbowed Shani pointing at Vauseman and opened her mouth to make a joke. But the other elf raised her eyebrow challengingly, caught her arm and, nullifying the distance between them, shut her up.

Gina opened her mouth to comment, but Norma and Red with a gesture stopped her.

O'Neill caressed his wife's belly, and kissed her lightly.

The scenes unfolded left and right, and Suzanne with a grin and Lolly watched them, and high-fived each other. Another job well done. Meanwhile Pam, Grace and Brad were also staring at them warmly.

Tonight lovers, families and friends alike were united, as it should be.

Now it was a season to be jolly.

The Northern Lights above continued dancing over the faces of the little elves, the other creatures that lived among them, the paths and houses of Litsifjöld and its forests and beyond, wishing them all a Merry Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. A very merry Christmas to elficbody!


End file.
